• Kelly Moringo

Paper Straws Need To Be Cancelled


You just ordered your favorite cold brew at your local coffee shop. The smell of roasting beans fills the air, coins clink as they bounce off the bottom of the tip jar, and suddenly you hear your name being called. That delicious, perfectly caffeinated cup of bitter iced coffee you have been dreaming about since you woke up is ready for you. The barista hands you your drink followed by something you hadn't prepared for - a paper straw.

Immediately red flags go off in an encounter like this. Any drink aficionado knows papers straws mean solid problems. Don't drink the beverage fast enough? Enjoy your new paper-infused drink. Bend the straw the wrong way? You're going to be needing to take that lid off. The things just stink - plain and simple. It can be so irritating, one day you go into a coffee store or boba shop and it is business as usual. The very next day, you walk in only to find you are being given an inferior product.

Like it or not, cancel culture is in full swing. We've canceled Bill Cosby, Jake Paul, and Shane Dawson. There is NOTHING we as a culture can not accomplish. We need to stand up to this turtle-loving tyranny and fight for our rights to properly sip as Americans! The truth is, there are other options in regards to straws that are eco-friendly and not shitty. Starbucks has those cool new lids with the sippy cup type hole on top. Sure, I'd rather have an old fashioned plastic straw (R.I.P. those green Starbucks straws) but I'll take this option over a paper straw any day of the week.

The point is if they can cancel the plastic straw, we can cancel the paper one. It has been done before, fairly recently and was decided on by a bunch of suits fresh out of the Greenpeace convention. Imagine the movement the people can start if we speak up and use our voices collectively to make clear our disgust with the paper straw. This could be the beginning of the paper straw revolution, in which paper straws from the East to West will be burned and forgotten to history. Or... we will just keeping having to make due with shitty paper straws. Only time will tell.

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