Seltzer Wars: So Many Options, So Rad
Updated: Jul 26, 2020
Many things have changed over the past ten years. Our phones have gotten smarter, our scooters have become electric and our leaders have gotten dumber. But perhaps the most unexpected change in recent times has been the meteoric rise in popularity of hard seltzer. Visit any local grocery store and take a stroll down the beer aisle – you can’t miss them. Coming in a variety of fruity flavors these carbonated waters with 5% alcohol have become a staple of millennials. Hard seltzer has become so popular, many deemed the summer of 2019 “White Claw Summer”. But with all the choices available to the consumer in what was once a niche market – which seltzer is the best? Leave that one to Chad.
First let’s establish the absolute shitters in regards to the hard seltzer marketplace. There are the new Corona Seltzers clocking in at 4.5% alcohol with zero carbs and zero sugars. Sure, if someone is on a strict diet they can have a pass but otherwise these seltzers are a straight skip! If the taste of Splenda and water is something that sounds appealing to you, feel free to throw your money away and buy some Corona Seltzers, otherwise let’s move on.
Next up on the shitter list is Four Loko Seltzer. This will be the only mention of this seltzer, you don’t need to know the alcoholic content or carbs – you just read the words Four Loko, that should suffice. Last for the bad ones will be the Natural Light Seltzer. This seltzer is not the worst and it needs to be stressed that an individual on a budget should feel free to buy these if need be. Natural Light Seltzer has two big advantages – one, it is cheap and two, it has a higher alcoholic content than the typical hard seltzer. The downside is simply taste; it has an artificial sweetener like quality to it that simply doesn’t bode well. As the seltzer warms, the more noticeable the odd flavor becomes. My advice, drink these while they are cold and fast!
Now to the solid options – these aren’t the cream of the crop in regards to hard seltzer, however they are an excellent choice when you are in the mood for a specific taste. First there is Bud Light Seltzer. One of the newer hard seltzers to market, Bud Light Seltzer is a great bubbly alcoholic refreshment with a smooth light taste. The flavoring is not overkill and the carbonation is not overbearing. This seltzer also has the advantage of being fairly heat resistant, certainly palatable even under the most unfavorable of temperatures.
Kona Spiked Island Seltzer, Kona Brewing Co.’s swing at the seltzer market, is another solid pick. At 5% alcohol they are comparable to Bud Light Seltzers, but Kona Spiked Island Seltzers come in a unique variety of flavors not found amongst their competitors. With seltzers such as Tropical Punch, Strawberry Guava and Starfruit Lime – Kona Spiked Island Seltzers can serve as an excellent choice when trying to change things up at the pool party.
Finally, we have come to the absolute best seltzers available. In a close second, White Claw Hard Seltzers takes the silver medal. Arguably these cold cans are responsible for the seltzer craze to begin with. Easy to drink and sharply flavored, White Claw Hard Seltzers are a favorite amongst most. With a wide variety of flavors including a new variety seltzer pack, White Claw is one of the top seltzer companies for a reason.
Lastly there is Truly – another hard seltzer OG. There is just something different about the Truly hard seltzer that separates it from the rest of the herd. For one, you can drink a lot of them. The carbonation level is just right so that they go down smooth. The flavoring used is unmatched – allowing for the creation of unique flavors like Blueberry Acai and Raspberry Lime. On top of all that – Trulys carry the standard 5% alcohol content as other leading seltzer brands. Ultimately, Trulys are both a safe bet and the best seltzer on the market.
Make no mistakes, this list was made from hundreds (if not thousands) of cans of experience. If you find yourself in disagreement, that’s okay – it just means you haven’t drank enough hard seltzer yet. Regardless however, whether it be Truly, Bud Light Seltzer or even a Four Loko (pukes) – may your seltzer drinking be fun and above all safe. Cheers!